I’ve made mistakes in my life. I’ve left people who deserved me, people who loved me selflessly. But, I’ve learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people I can never be sorry enough to, I’ll know better next time and I won’t settle for anything less than I deserve.
I think what hurts the most is when you give your all to someone. Through thick and thin you are there for him. You stick with him, no matter what. Then one day he just gives up. He won’t even fight for you. The one thing you would never have done, he does with no hesitation. It hurts to see him leave. It even hurts more to see him with someone else, and you know so well that could be you. You have all the reasons to hold your head high, your middle finger higher. You have to let him know what he is missing. The pain of, ‘’how I’m I supposed to let go of all those memories, all those promises, how I’m I supposed to let go of all the love we shared?’’ You don’t know what is happening around you anymore. Every muscle and every vein in your body is screaming because he took every reason you had left to live.
My heart did break into a thousand pieces when he left. That moment I just let the pain take over, allowing it to numb the pain of being left behind. I dream of him every night. It feels so real. And when I wake up the next morning, it’s like his disappearance was fresh. Like he’d left me all over again. Is that all we have left? Is that all we are? Lights on a map that are slowly dying, hanging on for nothing?” I ask yourself answerless questions; I hate myself and feel like you I did not do enough to keep him. The knowledge that he had left me with no intent ever to return comes over me in tiny droplets of realization spread over the years. And each droplet of comprehension brings its own small measure of hurt…He had wished me well in finding my own fate to follow, and I never doubted his sincerity. But it has taken me years to accept that his absence in my life was a deliberate finality, an act he had chosen, a thing completed even as some part of me still dangled, waiting for his return.
And when he’s gone, remember you once loved him, you once needed him, you once cared about him more than anything in the whole world, you can’t deny he was ever there, you can’t deny what you had, you can’t deny it ended over absolutely nothing, you can’t deny that regardless, you still think about it, no other man could love you like he did, he does. One day he’ll realize what he’s done, he’ll come back and you’ll be gone. Letting go of the person you love is the most awful feeling you can ever receive. Letting go can mean, finally realizing you’re strong enough to let go of the one you love and move on, or it can mean letting go of your love and hoping that fate will bring you back together again, wishing if you’re meant to be. Sometimes you have to learn to let go of the person you love, and just hold on to the memory of what was. Don’t hold on because you think there will be no one else. There will always be someone else. You’ve got to believe you are worth more than being repeatedly hurt by someone who doesn’t really care. Believe that someone will see what you are really worth and treat you the way you should be treated. Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future! Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today but eventually.
You know what I think hurts the most? The feeling of being replaced. It’s like no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. And no matter what I do to try and capture his heart again, it doesn’t seem to work. I’m suddenly left thinking that I’ll never be enough. And a sadness takes over my heart that never really leaves. I know that things aren’t the same, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish they were…You just never know what’s around the corner, and you can’t hold the hand of who you’re supposed to be with until you let go of the hand you’re currently holding. There’s good in every situation, and in order to get through a tough break up and on to the next chapter in your life, you have to appreciate that what you had may have been good, but something better is on its way, and you’re a stronger person now because of what you’ve been through. Too often we try to soothe ourselves by diminishing a relationship’s value in order to get over it more quickly. But it’s OK to think that the relationship was pretty great, but now it’s over, and it was worth going through the pain of the ending for all the good times you had together. Love always comes with the risk of getting hurt and putting yourself through some tough times, but it’s always worth the special moments you share.